Apathy Isn't Always Bad (Post 49)

LALALA NOT CARING. Also allowing myself to not take the blame for everyone in the worlds' sadness (multiple times today.)

I got a summer job! I'm going to be a counselor for 5 year old girls at a day camp.

Also the letting shit go thing is an accomplishment too.

365 (Post 48)

I started a 365 today. I can't help but think it's kind of funny that I'd want to do one of those, but maybe it'll be good for me? I don't know. I know I looked a lot different this time last year but I shouldn't think about that.

I had a normal conversation with someone who I thought things wouldn't be normal with ever again.

And I guess starting a 365 is an accomplishment too [:

Deflecting (Post 47)

I was watching House earlier and there was a discussion about how often House deflects pretty much everything. Which got me into thinking about how I deflect compliments. People on formspring have complimented me, and I feel weird just being like thank you. It's hard to not say something like "I don't agree."

I've allowed myself to comment on some aspect of my day in this blog, and I've forced myself to think about things outside of my normal thought process.

^Did that make any sense?

Unusual pretext for a friendship (Post 46)

Today I facebook IMed this girl Laura, a friend of a friend. We didn't talk for long, but we had a lot to talk about, so she gave me her number and said to text her. I feel like we likely will become close, due to how we know each other. Then I think "this isn't normal, Nicole, this is part of that world."

Moving out of that world doesn't mean I can't keep it's inhabitant's phone numbers.

^That's what I realized tonight.

This counts as Saturday's (Post 45)

Woohoo I had a really good day! I saw a lot of people I like and over all had fun. Katie even said to me "you're a lot more comfortable with yourself than you were last year. You're weird but you're weird but you're not apologizing. It's nice." Or something to that extent. I was glad she noticed.

I didn't start a fight with my mom even though I had every right to get angry.

I got home from a fun night just hanging out and my mom asked if I was high. I am completely sober and I just said to her "fine I know you still have the drug test in the house. Test me if you want" instead of arguing with her.

South Park (Post 44)

Damn, I was so close to a week straight of posts then I messed up yesterday. I've spent the past 45 minutes trying to figure out what the hell is going on with last night's South Park. It got censored then pulled then I found it online but it was the censored version and it was really good and I want to see the real one and my head hurts. <--Yes that was a purposeful run-on sentence. I'm flustered for a few reasons tonight and South Park is getting all of that flustered energy.

I got some stupid drivers education homework done.

Mountain biking in the morning. WOOHOO!

Labels/defining yourself (Post 43)

I don't know what I am, but

I am not my disorders/issues. I am me. They are not personality traits that accurately describe me.

Feeling powerful kind of scares me.

Roller-coaster of a day (Post 42)

A lot of ups and downs and twists and turns. My mind is doing a lot of thinking but most of it is positive, which is a nice change.

I paid my deposit for SUNY Binghamton today

Take it one day at a time, Nicole...

I really don't want to do this anymore (Post 41)

I kind of want to give up on this practice but I've learned that when I don't want to do something like this, it means I really should.

I'm fighting stupid fucking society.

So much anger on my mind.

Happy 40th Post (Post 40)

That's pretty freaking good if I may say so myself.

I'm getting back on track with this blog.

About to get in the car for a 4 hour drive to Binghamton. I'm scared I'll wind up at a school that's wrong for me.

Workshop on my mind (Post 39)

I just posted my blog about the Jim Bonney workshop so that's all I can think about. I got mad at myself while re-counting the workshop which makes this difficult. This is a stream of consciousness or something like it. Fuck now my mind is going into negative places. Lalala stoooooop it brain. Like Jim said "thank you for sharing no go away." But it never goes away. Fuck.

Discussion with my parents went decently

After mucho unnecessary fighting and screaming in front of Juliana (I'm SO SORRY about that!) Thanks Mom!

ALLERGIES ATTACK (Post 38)

My eyes and ears and nose and throat are killing me. I can't stop sneezing. It's annoying. I need to return this to a daily practice, not an "whenever I feel like it/Juliana reminds me practice." So here I go...

I wore a sleeveless top today.

I'm watching awful t.v right now. I needed to share something here.

Lots going on today (Post 37)

Open house for accepted students at New Paltz today. I'll probably post on my other blog about what the latest college shit is. But

I had a good tech interview

*resists urge to qualify on this blog (not on other blog)*

No time (Post 36)

Can't write much. Need to get portfolio done. Of course I left more than half of it for now.

I let myself feel tonight.

That's something I haven't done in a while. Huh. Crying=good?

What's brown and rhymes with snoop? (Post 35)

DOCTOR DRE! <--- okay I stole that from Juliana and Liz but I needed a title and it popped into my head. I'm about to fall asleep on the comfy den couch soooo...

I'm not afraid to laugh at myself.

On Friends they just said "Viva Las Gaygas." Awesome.

Portfolio-ing (Post 34)

I just read through all my old entries to work on my portfolio. I hate 90% of them (shocking, right) for one reason or another. I just really haven't been into this lately, but I guess that's me not wanting to push myself to be good to myself (in the context of the blog and out of it.)

I wore my favorite skinny jeans for the first time in almost a year. And I looked decent.

ps: this made me think of STAC

Day to post (Post 32)

For excuses on why I haven't done this in a while, visit http://nicolesara.blogspot.com/2010/04/just-life-imploding-no-big.html and scroll down to the last section. I've decided to change the titles from "Day x" to "Post x" since it's not daily anymore (I'm trying to make it daily, I really am, but I'm sick of writing "Day xish"

I was a cute 8th grader (so was Haley!)

This vacation was too short in some ways, and way too long in others.